The Mess you don't see

Sifted and weighed...I have too many days of feeling like that...

 Wednesdays are my 'light' days, because Teddy is not at my house...I don't want to do anything big that he would get behind on, so I usually do some basic schooling such as Math, handwriting, reading- but stuff like History, Science, Vocabulary, read alouds get put off till another day.  Because Wednesdays are my light days, I like to think of them as 'catch up' days or errand days- but lately, it seems like my Wednesdays have come out all wonky.

Today I had big plans of cleaning, catch up, laundry and some homeschool planning.  Our learning record meeting is coming up next week- I need to sit down and make sure we've finished everything, all areas of learning have been covered, etc.

Well, first off- I am chronically anemic..and I'm also forgetful and a bit stubborn, so I don't take my iron pills until I'm feeling really bad.  This past week or two, I've fallen asleep while waiting in my car at various lessons- a sign that I am pretty anemic.  The anemia headaches kicked in on Monday.  Wednesday I woke up to a pounding headache, took tylenol and then a sudafed in case it was my sinuses, not anemia.  Went for my walk, felt dizzy and nauseous, so cut the walk short and went home. -crawled into bed. Slept it off, got up, did the breakfast/shower thing...

Had this realization: it is now 11 o'clock.  Half my day is wasted.

Did some laundry, some Math with the kids, tried to straighten the house a bit.
Around 4 pm I had to lay down again.  It was lay down or eat large amounts of chocolate and diet coke to wake me up.  I picked the nap.  Woke up, success! -headache was finally gone!  Now it was dinner time.


I don't often share days like this here, because frankly, I figure no one wants to read whining day after day on a blog...and also because I dread the possibility of being linked to some message board where people are bashing homeschoolers and my horrible day(s) being held up as an example of bad parenting.  But, I do have days like this, more than I care to display...I thought I'd share the ugly, in case there is another mom feeling as much of a failure as I often do.  I know, and believe with my whole heart that the Lord's burden is indeed light...and that he will guide us to the heights, valleys and even pit-stops we need to travel, if only we will open our hearts to his leading.

I will close my eyes tonight on a day that was failed, offering up my weak, temperamental heart.

Today, I remained.  Sometimes that is all I can do.

Tomorrow I will open my eyes, and look to My Father's eye- to see that which I ought to do.
My heart knows it is enough.