Sadness

Hello Bloggy-friends,

so much going on here this week, I’m not sure of where to start…

This is our annual week-long Bible conference with our church, we have a family from Korea staying with us.  The Bible conference is a big time-commitment, and having foreign guests who need transporting/ hosting adds to it.  We so love getting to know other believers though, it is always worth it.

Josie is in our first big fencing tournament – it is the National Championships and just happens to be in a neighboring city.  She has to be there for 3 different days.  Of course it is this week…!

Now for the sadness.  I don’t like to air family drama here, mostly because I don’t want to hurt loved ones by venting my side of the story.  I haven’t said anything about the person who hurts me the most in this life – and not because she would read it here, she has never read my blog and she never will because she is not interested in me or my family.  She’s not interested in my sister either, or my sister’s cute/clever/amusing kids.  She is not really interested in anyone but herself and she set my sister and I to fend for ourselves emotionally and physically as soon as we were [mostly] capable.

She’s my mother and this week she was hospitalized with cirrhosis of the liver.  She lives over an hour away, so the driving is added on top of my crazy week.

{The sadness}

I’m not really sad.  I’m resigned, a bit angry with her for putting her loved ones through this, angry at her for wasting her life.  Sadness though, I walled myself off [long ago] from feeling much in relation to her because it was too painful and pointless.  I told someone at the Bible conference today about it all, and this friend prayed for me and my mom and this person was crying.  Me…dry-eyed, even as I told her about it.  I was an emotional wreck when Sky’s dad was dying, but empty about my mom.

This is the sadness, that she shut me out and I had to shut her out.

Friends, if you could pray for her.  This would have to be a big miracle- which I do believe God hands-out…but I also believe in free-will.  My mother was sitting in a hospital bed, wasted away to about 80lbs, having blood pumped out of her stomach, not allowed to have water and too weak to hold a cup to her mouth for ice-chips…and she kept asking us to get her a “drink”.  I truly do not think she will live many months once she gets out of the hospital.  Prayers for her family as we are manipulated and abused as she detoxes, and prayers for her soul are needed.

thank you,

-Jenn